I'm a failure.

..like a mofo. I've gained weight. Oh, I've definitely gained a lot. My thighs touch again. Shit. I can't go back at this. I can't. I was doing so good during summer until he left me.

But he talked to me again last night and it seemed like he still cares a little. I'm so gonna get him back one day. But not soon. Somewhere in time when no vices are left to defend. I have to become perfect. I will. 

I binged, how typical. But I'm fasting. No solids, just coffee, diet coke and water of cource. Oh, and cigs. Hell, they're expensive ( 4,20 euros > 5 dollars a packet? what.) but I spend it on food anyway. 

But yeah, I'm proud to say I'm feeling oprimistic right now. 

I have to start studying or I'm never gonna get into uni. So I will reply to the comments that were left on my previous post and I'll make sure to leave a few comments later tonight <3

This is what I want to look like. She's amazing.

when everything loses its meaning. Like today, some family members and I had a fight and I've never felt so useless and stupid before. I am a waste of oxygen, of space, I make others around me unhappy and they are a part of my problems, too. The more I think about how I have to stay in this house for the next four years at least, the less I want to get into uni, because nothing will change. I want to leave, but I can't, and my life will still be miserable and boring and controlled. Since I were little I dreamed of reaching the age of 18 and getting the fuck out of this place, but hey, reality fucks you in the ass when you grow up, right? Shit.

Ugh, I hate how emotional I've become, I cry and complain everyday and I feel so whiny, blah. 

Oh and pardon my language.